I pretty much never post my writing on the blog a) because it’s always changing and b) because I’m hoping to go the traditional publishing route. But I love a good blog hop and peer-critiquing, so Michelle Hauck’s Fall 1st Page Critique Blog Hop seemed like a fun way to start the week. You can also follow it on Twitter under #Fall1stHop.
So, for your Monday enjoyment, here is the first page of my new middle grade contemporary fantasy. I’d love to hear your (constructive, kindly worded) thoughts. And don’t forget to read the other submissions too.
Search for the Sampo (revised thanks to feedback!)
Chapter One: Suspicion
Lauren’s reading like she does every. single. day. But this isn’t every day. Today, I need her to pay attention.
“Whatcha reading, bird brain?” I pluck the book out of my sister’s hands. “MacBeth? You know this stuff will turn you into a nerd, right?”
“Give it back, Henry.” She clenches her teeth and glares at me. Scary.
I kick the beanbag she’s sitting on a few times with my foot. “Calm down.” I hold the book out to her. “Just messing with you. But seriously, we’ve got to talk.”
She groans, but she also gets up and follows me into my room, shutting the door behind her.
Good, I don’t want anyone to hear this. “Mom and Dad are up to something.”
“What do you mean?” Lauren says, fiddling with the ribbon of one of the medals draped over my trophy from regionals. The medal makes a sharp sound as it hits the marble base. Click. Click. Click.
“I overheard them talking in the kitchen this morning. They said something about a new job, and selling the house.”
The clicking stops. “Not again. Did they say where? Boston? Seattle? Not Dallas.”
“That loose tile in the hallway creaked. They clammed up before they said where.”
“So what do we do, Hen?”
“You distract Mom, I’ll check her browser history for clues.” I head for the door.
Mom’s downstairs in the kitchen. Lauren invents some question about MacBeth—well played, Nerdo—and I slip into the sunroom and tap the iMac’s trackpad. She didn’t even close Chrome. So not stealth, Mom.